“people have to share things, joel. that’s what intimacy is.” – eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
there are an infinite number of perspectives. each of us tinkers with and toggles our little worlds and we lose so much in translation trying to connect and still come out alive. a narrative becomes armor. there are two sides to every story. i think stories are unfathomable shapes with more sides than the human eye can grasp. ad nauseam, i remind you that my only expectation is communication, and you appreciate that i don’t play games. i am too old for games.
hard to say what you mean. provide the parts without assembly instructions. maybe a piece is missing. maybe some of the parts don’t fit. read a mind. steer clear of the crash. is there even an accident? this was an accident.
“i’m not a perfect person.” – the reason by hoobastank
we laugh and we laugh and we laugh and we laugh and we
friends tell each other everything. in theory, power. in practice, not perfect.
you can’t control a reaction you can only control a subsequent response.
you can prescribe them the cure and they still won’t take the pills.
you can’t break your own back trying to convince someone else to straighten their spine.
i’m an acts of service and words of affirmation girlie. i want you to say it even if it destroys me. i want you to say it without me having to ask. don’t say something you don’t mean. mean it for more than a few months at least.
how can you expect someone to expose their heart to the elements – the many barrages of life and your judgment - if you keep yours deadbolted in a drawer somewhere?
you pull me closer and you pull me closer and you pull me closer and you
i remember something joel said –
“constantly talking isn’t necessarily communicating.”
in that scene, i relate to clementine.
i am constantly talking and wanting to talk and never believing what anyone says and waiting for the other black and white checkered sneaker to drop.
i’ve seen too many friends fight for relationships that aren’t worth the bloodshed. relationships with lovers that never reach the capital R. how they strangled themselves trying to prove their worth to someone who wouldn’t let go of the rope. broken promises buried under sickly sweet nothings that are just that - nothing. decades-long friendships that turn sour and stale. these affairs are nuanced – an endless-sided story – and every time someone puddles at my feet about their unmet expectations i bite down on the same rotten apple. choosing not to communicate, declining a tour of its many rooms, is asphyxiation. communication includes listening. it includes follow-through. and while it includes risk, it will always include reward. it will save you from yourself and the hurtful, albeit humanist, habits of others. because we all do dumb shit sometimes.
you’ll think i’m crazy and you’ll think i’m crazy and you’ll think i’m crazy and you’ll
the hardest part is harmonizing words and actions. if someone says they’re not ready for a relationship (let’s remember the word relationship encompasses more than just romance!) or a reciprocated level of intimacy, you should believe them. and yes, oftentimes actions speak louder than words. and while every relationship has its gradations, if you have to wait or persuade or beg or shove someone to make room for you in their life, despite what they say or have said contrarily, despite breadcrumbs of hope scattered throughout text threads and film, a few lingering memories as a treat, they are dissonance. they are not your peace.
above all else, protect your peace.
honesty is always the kinder choice.
honesty is always the kinder choice.
honesty is always the kinder choice. (thank you, allison.)
honesty, as debilitating as the truth may be, is always the kinder choice. and as my girl stefani germanotta says - kindness rules all.
set your expectations. sing them loud.
where there is trust, there is a safe harbor. consistency is mutual. vulnerability is a privilege and an extraordinary adventure to negotiate together. build trust and ask questions and set boundaries and foster respect and practice gratitude because you are making the choice to be in each other’s lives and that is a beautiful thing. hold a mirror to yourself. listen. be honest.
remember that you have to make a choice and that everything is a choice and if someone isn’t making a choice that is an answer for you in and of itself.
i want to feel safe with you i want to feel safe with you i want to feel safe with you
i want to feel safe with you
i want to feel safe with you
i want to feel safe with you
but! not if there’s no safe harbor at which to anchor.